Shopping in Kuwait. If only the experience could begin and end with a simple guwwah or "hello" from the sales assistant. But no, the universal policy is that as soon as you enter a store, the assistant becomes your personal laSgah.

Even if you say "bas b-shuuf, mashkuur" the sales assistant will continue to shoot the hard sell, sticking to your side, watching your every move, and when you've really had enough, he or she will give you a big smile and the winning line, "akhir shay?"

But the sales assistants of Kuwait meet their match with a friend of a friend, Champagne Al-Mabsuutah. When Champagne peers her head around the corner and asks, "Hey, is this shop maftuuH?" any sales assistant will be dying to say, "Actually the shop has tawa sakkar." But since this is not the truth, they have to open the door a little wider to accommodate Champagne's many bags.  

She'll begin casually. Maybe a little question, "fii :indi-kum :uruud?" or even "fii :indi-kum khaSm?" Then the madness begins. "I want abaddil this product that I bought last week, the price is muu hayyin." When the assistants scramble to satisfy her demands, she'll really start to have fun.

"Darling, HaSalt this dress, what do you think? gaa:dah adawwir something in a ten, but you don't have a size ten. Why is that? OK, where is ghufat al-qiyaas. Ugh, there are too many people fii this shop, I cannot breathe! Do you have tea? I want some. Now."

My dream scenario is to pair Champagne up with this notorious sales assistant from Alexander Wang's Spring 2013 campaign, below:

What you learned today:

ابدل، بدلت
abaddil, baddalt I exchange, exchanged
احصل، حصلت
aHaSSil, HaSalt I find, found

ادشر، دورت
adawwir, dawart I search, searched

مو هين
muu hayyin it’s no joke!
 توا سكر
tawaa sakkar just closed

maftuuH open

غرفة القياس
ghufat al-qiyaas changing room
:uruuD promotion

khaSm discount

في عندكم…؟
fii :indi-kum …? Do you have…?
اخر شي؟
akhir shay? Is that everything?

بس بشوف، مشكور
bas b-shuuf, mashkuur Just looking, thanks

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